So, I was ready to take things to the next stage, you know the ring, down on one knee, hope for the best kinda thing.
I was real nervous and thought I might get some insights from getting a compatibility horoscope calculated for me.
So, I got my exact time and date of birth and her exact time and date of birth (her mother eyed me suspiciously when I asked and when I told her it was for horoscope love compatibility charts to be made she laughed like a drain. Slightly off subject, but I really can’t stand that pompous turkey-necked old scallop and I pray to Odin that ‘she’ doesn’t turn into ‘her’ – I will not marry her mother!)
So, back to love horoscopes compatibility charts. The charts took a few days to calculate, but when they came back the results were astounding. I have had relationship horoscopes done for me before but this one was so uncannily accurate that it made my nuts twitch with shock.
Dear Friends and Lovers
Please find below your love compatibility horoscope.
It has been worked out based on both your exact time and place of birth.
Then came the good stuff…
Horoscope compatibility love. Your partner will dominate you like your mother did and you will become laid back like your father and submissive.
She will have the more powerful job and you will bury your resentment of this deep down and try and sleep with her best friends as you both resent her and this will draw you together.
You will barely hold down a series of meaningless dead end jobs until you run off with a co-worker to live happily in a shoe box flat with a cat and a kid.
The fact that I had already slept with her friends was not the most amazing thing, it was that I could see my life unfolding through the report and knew it was all true.
So, thankfully I avoided wasting years of my life on her and I am now trying to sleep with co-workers with cats and if there are no cat-loving co-workers I know it’s time to move on to the next dead end job.
Thank you Compatibility Horoscope for saving my life!